Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Month 8 .... worry beads are go!

Haven't posted on here for almost 3 weeks ..... mainly because I haven't felt like talking about Feckit, who is just being a pain in the butt. Despite the Dex (2mg daily) and despite the Dothiepin (Prothiaden in UK) the symptoms are about exactly the same as they were before the treatments. So I guess things have swollen up in there from the radiotherapy.

I see the Neurologist on Friday. Don't really know what he can do (other than give me another neurological assessment for any deficits!). And I don't want to increase the Dex dosage, but anticipate that this will be suggested. Having been back on it for a few weeks (albeit at half the dose I was on last time) I am now in that awful depressive state again where a kind word makes me cry buckets and I feel stressed out at the slightest thing.

So what am I doing about it?

Well, firstly I have had to acknowledge that I have been pretty stupid trying to be Mrs Wonderful and continuing to do everything as if nothing has happened or changed! Something very fundamental
has changed and, like it or not, I do not seem to have much in the way of reserves left ....
So I am taking/have taken some practical steps to ease the load, such as:

1. Resigning my role as Secretary on two committees as from end of this month.

2. Playing lots of bowls (this is a pastime which completely takes my mind off Feckit), BUT have requested not to captain any team in competitions as this is STRESSFUL in the extreme!

3. Making more time for my art ....... as after a long, long spell of feeling 'ART-less' I am at last beginning to feel a real need to keep painting again. And it is totally absorbing when I do.

4. Allowing myself the luxury of taking a nap if and when I feel like one, .......... after all, who can stay sane on only 4 or 5 hours sleep a night for months on end?

I know that I look amazingly healthy and well in spite of it all, but steroids do that, okay? So stop telling me. I shouldn't have to justify myself.

Really, I shouldn't.