Thursday, 14 January 2010

10 months on ...... New Year musings

As with all "New Years", the past couple of weeks has seen me in reflective mood! It is hard to believe that it is ten months since my first CT results, as in many ways it seems a lifetime ago, and I have been taking stock of where I am and what I am doing about it ........

One new resolution is to stop trying to live as if nothing is wrong and I can do everything I did a year ago with no effort. Truth is, I can't. There I've admitted it! - and I'm adjusting daily living accordingly, although it is hard to break a lifetime of "MUST DO".

There is no doubt that I have been trying too hard and this has probably not been very beneficial to my health in the long run. But there also has to be a balance between trying to be Superwoman and opting out of things just because I don't want to do them!!!!

Another resolution has been to avoid medications that have horrible side effects wherever, and for as long as, possible. So OUT have gone Dexamethasone and Prothiaden ........ and I do not feel any the worse for it (in other words the drugs were not controlling symptoms anyway). So I'm relying on Paracetamol and/or Paracodal for the headaches but have yet to find anything that will stop the bouts of nausea.

Dealing with symptoms has been a bit problematic over Christmas and New Year with some days being very hard indeed, but I'm allowing myself more 'nanny naps' and 'time out' instead of forcing myself to carry on as normal, and I am finding that this has reduced anxiety levels considerably too.

One of the side-effects of Dex was a hugely increased appetite so its strange to now find myself having difficulty with eating!! Many things seem to taste unpleasant or even downright nauseating and my previous ability to eat comparatively large portions has actually disappeared! I am also having difficulty swallowing tablets and hard foods so I think all this results from pressure on nerves by the tumour.

I am continuing with bowls following the Christmas break but have opted out of some of the regular tournaments for the time being. This will be less physically demanding and will also allow more time for my painting. More importantly it will hopefully lead to more quality time with friends and family.......... very important indeed!

However, when I look at the news reports from Haiti I feel terribly guilty that I'm even writing down stuff about my own troubles on this blog. Their suffering is so terrible. Thankfully it is possible to donate through organisations such as UNICEF ....... one way that we can give support no matter who or where we are.