Thursday, 19 December 2013

This is MY brain talking .... is it YOURS TOO?

(Author: Thomas F. Quirk)

I'm glad to see that you are awake! This is your brain talking. I had to find some way to communicate with you. I feel like I barely survived WWIII and am still not quite all in one piece. That's why I need you. I need you to take care of me.
As time passes and you and I feel better and better, people, even doctors, will tell you that we are fine, "it's time to get on with life." That sounds good to me and probably even better to you. But before you go rushing back out into that big wide world, I need you to listen to me, really listen. Don't shut me out. Don't tune me out. When I'm getting into trouble I'll need your help more than I ever have before.
I know that you want to believe that we are going to be the same. I'll do my best to make that happen. The problem is that too many people in our situation get impatient and try to rush the healing process; or when their brains can't fully recover they deny it and, instead of adapting, they force their brains to function in ways they are no longer able too. Some people even push their brains until they seize, and worse... I'm scared. I'm afraid that you will do that to me. If you don't accept me I am lost. We both will be lost.
How can I tell you how much I need you now? I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future. So many people are so busy looking at what their brains used to do, as if past accomplishments were a magical yardstick to measure present success or failures, that they fail to see how far their brains have come. It's as if here is shame, or guilt, in being injured. Silly, huh?
Please don't be embarrassed or feel guilt, or shame, because of me. We are okay. We have made it this far. If you work with me we can make it even further. I can't say how far. I won't make any false promises. I can only promise you this, that I will do my best.
What I need you to do is this: because neither of us knows how badly I've been hurt (things are still a little foggy for me), or how much I will recover, or how quickly, please go s-l-o-w-l-y be patient and accepting of what I am now. If I give you a headache, or make you sick to your stomach, or make you unusually irritable, or confused, or angry, or disoriented, or afraid, or make you feel that you are overdoing it, I'm trying to get your attention in the only way I can. Stop and listen to me.

I get exhausted easily since being hurt, and cannot succeed when overworked. I want to succeed as much as you do. I want to be as well as I can be, but I need to do it at a different pace than I could before I got hurt. Help me to help us by paying attention and heeding the messages I send to you.

I will do my part to do my very best and I am a little worried though that if I am not exactly the same... you will reject me and may even want to kill us. Other people have wanted to kill their brains, and some people have succeeded. I don't want to die, and I don't want you to die.
I want us to live, and breathe and be, even if being is not the same as it was. Different may be better. It may be harder too, but I don't want you to give up. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on yourself. Our time here isn't through yet. There are things that I want to do and I want to try, even if trying has to be done in a different way. It isn't easy. I have to work very hard, much harder, and I know that you do too. I see people scoff, and misunderstand. I don't care. What I do care about is that you understand how hard I am working and how much I want to be as good as I can be, but I need you to take good care of us, as well as you can do that and be accepting of me if I am different.
Don't be ashamed of me. We are alive. We are still here. I want the chance to try to show you what we are made of. I want to show you the things that are really important in life. We have been given another chance to be better, to learn what is really important. When it is finally time for our final exit I would like to look back and feel good about what we made of us and out of everything that made up our life, including this injury. I cannot do it without you. I cannot do it if you hate me for the way being injured has affected me and our life together. Please try not to be bitter in grief. That would crush me.
Please don't reject me. There is little I can do without you, without your determination to not give up. Take good care of us and of yourself. I need you very much, especially now.
 Your Wounded Brain


Anonymous said...

thank-you for writing this I really needed to hear it

Anonymous said...

thank you for this

Anonymous said...

I have been shut out. Nowhere to turn now. About 5 months ago i started having horrible headaches, not migraines but like my head was being crushed. Also when i bend over to do simple tasks i get very dizzy, other times ill just be standing and feel like im about to black out. Two neurosurgeons told me i have a 9mm meningioma behind my left eye, a recurrance from the one i had removed in 2005. Both said these symptoms have nothing to do with my brain tumor because of how small it is. Maybe its time they start studying symptoms of tiny ones instead of waiting for them to get large with more serious side affects. Did anyone else ever have symptoms like mine in the beginning?

Lesly Finn said...

Hi Anonymous from October 11, 2016

I am sad to see you feeling like this. I know there is nothing worse to have worrying symptoms and to feel that no-one believes you. Sadly this seems to be fairly common amongst sufferers, which will hardly be of any comfort for you to hear!

You do not give many details regarding your original diagnosis and surgery but I would suggest that you find yourself a really supportive GP if you haven't already got one. I have to say that in my experience I have found female doctors to be far more believing and supportive than male ones.

You ask if anyone else had similar symptoms to yourself .... from what I have read in groups and on forums I would say that the answer to that is a resounding YES. Symptoms should always be brought to the attention of your GP and investigated though, as there is always the possibility that your dizzy spells after bending down might be due to postural hypo-tension (a temporary dropping of blood pressure) or some other cause which may be treatable.

Do seek medical advice and don't be put off. There is no reason why you shouldn't "shop around" until you find a family doctor that you feel is right for you. Your GP is first in line to get your problems sorted and is the gateway to investigations and tests!

I hope that you will find this of some assistance.